Welcome to a tour of my Buenos Aires apartment. This apartment is a lot fancier/modern than my apartment in Cordoba. I was also told to not get used to something as nice as this because most won’t be like this. Here’s a video tour of my fancy apartment for my second month.
I have started a workout group called “Wild Beasts of Men.” I have collected the wildest beasts of Men that I could find and we are going to find the stupidest workouts in Buenos Aires, Argentina on our workout pass (Clickypass) like Twerking class, pole dancing class, Zumba etc. And we are going to go and dominate as we try to understand Spanish workout instructions! Lets see if there are any differences in working out in Argentina!
We bought headbands because we are rad. Now we are an awesome posse of sweating kings. Now we need to buy short shorts, some bright long socks and some shirt that makes your momma scream. But we need a logo for our shirts of “Wild Beasts of Men.” Damnnnn we need to design a logo or something to put on a shirt! So Argentina knows who they are dealing with, the Wildest, the beastest of men!!!
We started our workout crew out with Zumba. And we thought we were bringing the jokes. But no. The joke was on us. Zumba is no joke! It was an intense one hour workout. My headband was still sweaty the next day. I absolutely loved it. I don’t think the hot ass Argentina girls behind me loved it as much as I did but oh well. The instructor was intense and hot as hell as she had dance moves for days.
I wanted to do at least 2 workouts a week but my wild beasts of men pushed me for more. And the next day I was doing something called functional workout, it had elements of cross fit. And it was not fun and it was not stupid. This shit was serious and it was great that I was sweating so much that you couldn’t tell that I was fucking crying like a lil bitch! Wow, I was made to be a little Sally Struthers. Anhton and Tom, my friends in Remote Year, dominated me in this and I’ve given up my throne as the king of the wild beasts as I’m more the bitch of the wild beasts after that workout. Our instructor was one of the owners of the gym, Pablo and his wife. He was very disappointed in my ass sucking workout. And called me Jack Black the whole time where I proceeded to pretend to play a sad song on my fake guitar.
Get Wild! Get Beastly! With the Wild Beasts of Men!
I’m really sad to leave Cordoba, Argentina. It became home for me after a month. The people were so warm and welcoming. It was a great city to get adjusted for the first month of this crazy adventure with Remote year. Here’s a quick recap of what I took from the first month here with a lot of pics. I know I need to post more pics of my adventures so this post will be a month overload so get ready.
STREET DOGS. Dogs are all over the place. Initially I’d be kinda nervous of them like they’d come up and eat me and drag me to their street dog den and eat my heart out. But they are far from aggressive and are always happy and warm. They’ll just follow you around everywhere like a buddy. It’s seriously adorable and that word probably hasn’t been used for street dogs before but it should be in Cordoba. Here’s a pic of one even playing soccer with us. The one with gum on his side is nicknamed “Gum” and he’s awesome.
SPANISH CLASS. I took a Spanish Class once a week to improve my Spanish. What I learned was that I still suck at learning languages and I’m just going to get by. I feel like a penguin that thinks he can fly. It just ain’t happening. Lo Siento.
FOOD AND DRINK. I ate a shitload of empanadas and drank to much red wine and Fernet Branca n Coke. Yes, you read correctly Fernet and Coke. It’s a thing here, it’s weird and now I really like it. I also took a cooking class and demonstration. I’ll do a blog post about food in Argentina soon. I know a lot of my foodie friends have asked to see food porn. It’s coming.
NUNCA MAS. This month was the 40th anniversary of the start of the dictatorship in Argentina where people the government kidnapped anyone speaking against it. On this anniversary the streets were filled with thousands of people and a concert. This was a very sad time here and when you hear the stories it’s horrible. Their Logo is a white handkerchief which is what mothers wore to symbolize their lost children to the dictatorship. The pics are of the concert they had in the streets that were packed with people marching and singing. The pics of the people’s heads below are of the people that were missing and some were never seen again to remember Los Desaparecidos.
HIKING LIKE A CONDOR. KAAA KAAA! Hiked Condor National Park. I usually find hiking boring but I really had a good time doing this. And If I don’t like hiking, then I need to go hiking. Which I’m going to try and do more of.
KID CLOWN SHOW. Strangest Kid Show I have ever seen with creepy clowns. Payanos is clowns in Spanish, I think. I’m not looking it up if it’s spelled right in Spanish. So don’t quote me on it because you will feel as stupid as I do when I try to speak Spanish. Payano is also what my Spanish teacher called me.
TANGO LESSONS AND SHOW. I took Tango lessons and learned some steps and for 3 seconds I thought “Hey I’m not that bad. Ricky Martin is going to feed himself to a Shark and I’m going to be the spokesperson for Tang drink while I tango.” 3 seconds past and I realized reality. By the way I have no clue if Ricky Martin does Tango, again never quote me you will more likely be made a fool or a payano. So instead of another Tango Lesson I checked out a Tango show for our Remote Year farewell party and they were wow wow wow amazing! It’s like super hot and sexy seeing Tango girls dance. My eyes bulged out of my sockets like they wanted to get up there and dance with that chica. It was mucho impressivo.
FASHION. These ladies love Platform shoes. Why? I don’t know but they think they are sexy in them. I feel like I’ve been teleported to the 90s. However I think these ladies would be sexy in any shoes they wore even if they wrapped their feet in potato chips. I don’t have a foot fetish either by the way. So stop spreading rumors about how I want to put ranch dressing on feet, it’s not true. I’m just trying to say that Argentina girls are hot, like burn a hole in my underwear hot, like burn a house made of dry ice hot, I mean the devil himself in Hell would want air conditioning hot. Mucho Caliente. One other fashion trend here is english phrases on their shirts and it could be anything to “I’m a pretty mother fucker.” to “Rainbows are pretty too.” to “Animal Farts.” The more random the better apparently. Here’s a pic of some platform shoes in a shop because I didn’t want to be the creepy guy trying to take pictures of girls feet because people may think I have a foot fetish, which is definitely not true!
KIDS BEGGING. Kids and people begging. It’s sad and a part of life here. Every time I’m at dinner, lunch or just for coffee a child or adult comes up and leaves something on the table. Sometimes it’s a pack of tissues, a shirt, some other random things or a note saying please help me and my family. They then come back a minute later and try to get you to give them money. It’s heartbreaking to watch when it’s a small child which is probably why they send the little kids out to do it. It makes me sad even writing it.
FIRST SHORT FILM. Shot and finished my first short film “The Moister.” The link and more details is on one of my latest blogs if you want to check it out.
MENDOZA WINE COUNTRY. Went to Mendoza Wine Country. Again did a whole blog post on it so I won’t repeat myself on my love for fermented grapes.
STREET PERFORMERS. On every street light there is someone performing circus acts for extra cash. Juggling, breathing fire, juggling knives etc. The pic below was a clown who juggled two balls that I’d see all the time near my house. He was the most angry 2 ball juggling clown I’ve eve seen. But he mesmerized me in someway.
GRADUATION SHAMING. Cordoba is a college town so a lot of people going to school and graduating. When they graduate their friends completely make a fool out of them. They dress them up like an idiot and throw paint and powder on them. This is very normal here for graduating. I saw a lot of people trudging the street covered in paint with hordes of friends following them as they hooted and hollered.
STATUES AND MUSEUMS. Statues and Museums and crap like that. Not super interesting but Statues and churches are everywhere here. There was a gorgeous Church right next to my house that I loved waking up and seeing as I walked the streets. A lot of times I’d wake up and look at that church as I walked by and have such a sense of gratefulness. This happened like half the days I was there which is a lot of gratefulness feelings. I wish I could bottle up that feeling and put it into smoothies because I’d make killing. People would really dig life sipping smoothies, I’d make a lot of cool flavors so everyone could enjoy too. The pic of the church below was the one by my house.
LOCATION CHANGE. Also change in Plans of the cities we are visiting. We are going to London not Turkey anymore because of Danger shit. Which makes a lot of moms happy. Also we are going to Split Croatia instead of Crotat because of logistic shit.
ADIOS CORDOBA…I already miss you.
….Hello Buenos Aires.
My first short film this year is called “The Moister.” It’s about a Mermaid that wants to travel the world (Cordoba, Argentina). This film cost 80 pesos to make, about 5 US dollars, hells yeah. Hats off to my amazing Australian friends Tom and Tanya for being amazing actors. I’ll post a behind the scenes and all the fun to make it later on. 1 film down, 11 more to go this year.
I really dig graffiti and I love to check out the different styles in other countries. So I’m going to post a collection of graffiti I find in each place I visit. Cordoba didn’t have a whole lot but I found some. I’m sure Buenos Aires will have a lot more.
Also I have a serious problem of making inanimate things talk. So I’m going to make some graffiti I find talk with a video series called “Graffiti talks to me.” So I’ll pick a piece I dig and put some voices and a stupid story to it.
So here’s the first of “Graffiti Talks to Me” called Baby Spaceman in Cordoba, Argentina. I pass this Graffiti every time I walk to the co-working space. However I never noticed that there was a little Space Man on the girls hair till a friend pointed it out to me.
Some other Graffiti I found in Cordoba. Unfortunately there weren’t a whole lot but I’ve been told Buenos Aires has a lot so I’m looking forward to that.
I walked by this piece a lot and never even noticed this one till someone pointed it out. Simple piece drawing a smile and using the windows as eyes
But the Best was the Baby Spaceman and Concrete Vampire.
Looking forward to seeing what Buenos Aires has especially since I signed up for a Graffiti walking tour.
This weekend I went to Mendoza wine country in Argentina. It’s known as one of the best wine countries in the world.
However, I really have no clue about wine. My only real confident knowledge is knowing the difference from Red and White. Beyond that I’m not into white so I don’t know anything about it except it goes with fish and upper middle class girls who bath in it at brunch while laughing really loud as they leave lipstick marks all over their glasses.
Side note I’ve always found lipstick marks on glasses kinda sexy. I really don’t know why but it’s hot to me. So any girl that wants to come over to my non existent apartment with red lipstick and go to town on my wine glasses is always welcome.
As for Red. I can slightly tell the difference from a Pinot to a Cabernet. But Cabernet to a Merlot to a Malbec…then I’m clueless. I can tell the difference from a crappy wine to descent wine. Or the difference from descent wine to the wine ordered on an expense account. But honestly it doesn’t matter. I’m 37 years old and if I haven’t acquired a pallet that truly appreciates wine it’s probably not going to happen. And it takes effort to pretend that I taste blackberries or the leather or some other nut or oak that is protruding from the barrel. Sometimes I want to care. But I just don’t.
Wine for me is good company. A dinner table of friends joining together for conversation that I’ll remember forever. Wine is the bottle between me and a girl that I can’t stop staring at as I eat dinner and all I want to do is grab her face across the table and kiss her.
The only thing I can taste is the stupid conversations about Otters buttholes or the complexity of a buddy splurging his insecurities of a girl he’s talking to. Or the robust laughter every time I hear an embarrassing story that we never let a buddy live down.
So I appreciated Mendoza for what it is. Grapes that turn into memories. From the memories with my old friends to the memories with my new ones. Fuck that’s cheesy, Mr. Mozzarelaa strikes again!
***And if you’d like to see pictures and the quick tour of what my weekend at Mendoza was please scroll down. It starts with a luxury bus because luxury and busses just go together. Duh.***
So this is a First Class sleeper Bus. The seat reclines down so you can sleep or try to sleep as you go through twist and turns through the night. We left at 1030pm and arrived at 7am.
I asked for the bano/bathroom on the bus. After I exited the bano and was at my seat the Bus attendant approached me and said in broken English, “Only liquids in the bathroom.” I just stared at her and was like fuck what if we have to poop what are we supposed to do, not that I cared anymore because I just unloaded the death star on the bus and was getting called out for it. And she’s like “Do you understand only liquids?” I shook my head yes like a scolded boy in gym class.
First stop on our wine Tasting tour at 10am. Yes I said 10am the perfect time to consume and appreciate alcohol. We went to Bodega Benegas one of the oldest wineries in Mendoza. Learned how to put wine in my mouth and suck in to sound like a bird which lets you properly taste the wine. Do you taste the leather? Someone chimed in, “Hmmm yes, tastes like the inside of a BMW.” The bottle pictured is the one that everyone liked the most, the Cabernet Franc.
The second winery was one of the newest wineries in Mendoza, I forgot the name. It was amazing trying real grapes from the vine.
Last winery was a classic winery and I think the best. It also included lunch and never ending tasting. After lunch we all passed out sipping espressos on the lawn till they put us to work picking fresh grapes off the vine, which I just ate instead. Damn the fresh grapes tasted amazing.
That Night we went to a restaurant called MallMan which is part of Francis MallMan’s restaurants. He’s featured on Chef’s table on Netflix, not this specific restaurant but the chef is. The Food was fantastic. Enjoy some food porn.
Some amazing starters that we shared family style: Organic pear cooked in salt with Burrata cheese, mixed greens and bacon chips. This dish was absolutely amazing. “Humita” Fresh grinded corn cream with grilled prawns and basil oil. This is an Argentina dish that is much like an unpacked Tamale. It was absolutely amazing and it surprised me how much I loved it. The final starter was a grilled Spanish Octopus with crispy potatoes and aioli. This wasn’t bad but I wouldn’t praise it like the others.
Had an amazing Malbec with our Main Courses that we shared family style. Rib Eye Steak that was cooked absolutely perfectly. A braised baby goat made in a clay oven. I actually was like whatever on this dish and then felt bad for baby goats. Then a dish I didn’t have but I had to take a pic because it was a masterful piece of genius, The Giant Tomahawk steak with chimichurri that was the size of 3 people’s head.
Next morning after waking up from a food coma I took a walking tour of Mendoza. Learned about the kidnapping of woman and children and mothers looking for their kids. Apparently the dictatorships were really bad back in the day in Argentina. This symbol of a handkerchief on the head of mother is a symbol for a non profit that is searching for these lost children.
Super sad stuff. They supposedly found a child (now a 35 year old) only a year ago. Apparently they’d take mothers who were pregnant and after they gave birth they’d kill the mother and give the baby to another family. And this family knew and never told their adopted child. And then that child finds out 30 years later from a DNA test. Devastating and heart crushing story. If you were against the dictatorship and spoke against it you were targeted and kidnapped.
Then we ended our day at a spa for $19 for the day. So we lounged like kings and splashed in a hot tub like we were 15. Great weekend.
Every month in every country/city I visit I’m going to do a short film. At the end of this year journey I’ll have 12 short films. That’s kinda rad. There maybe 9 pieces of shit short films. But 3 might shine like a newborn baby’s smile. Either way I’m going to push myself to do this. 12 films will be made.
When I was in high school and college I did a lot of short films. On 8mm, 16mm and digital. I was one credit away from a minor in Filmmaking in school. Then I started working and I stopped doing it. Not because I wanted to. Because I worked to much and I just didn’t have the time. I’d say I’m a workaholic. Ok, I wouldn’t say I am, I know I am a workaholic. I want shit to be great. And when your brain is wired like that you don’t have time for side projects even when you try to make it happen. They always take a second seat to work. And I hate that about myself because I can’t control it.
Another reason I think I stopped is because if I did something I wanted it to be at a high level. After working with great art directors, editors, sound people, etc. when I’m shooting million dollar commercials my level of taste rises. And when I go and do my own projects with a budget of a McDonalds Combo meal I start hesitating, feeling that what I’m working on is as bad as a bunch of obese walruses singing “Can’t stop believing” off key. That it was going to look like shit. That the writing wasn’t going to be sharp enough.
So 13 years later with zero short films made. I’m going back to what I like, creating. And not caring if it’s great or even good. I’m going to care about creating. And even if I give birth to a (film) baby that has 800 arms, 27 eyes and poops out it’s mouth I’m not going to care. Because the process of creating is what I love. Nothing to something. I just love creating.
So this year I’m going to create without an excuse.
This will be my process each month for every country.
Week 1 and 2: I’m going to take in the city and figure something to write about.
Week 3: I’m going to write and organize the shoot.
Week 4: Shoot it.
I’ll edit and finish in the next country which might take me a couple weeks since I’m extremely rusty on editing. And when I’m done, I’ll put it up for all of you to check out.
And I don’t care if the films are great.
I care that I create them.
I care that I enjoyed the process.
I care that I learn from my failures. And get better for the next one.
I care that I’m going out of my comfort zone and putting something up that I know is far from perfect. That might be a giant turd named Peter. But that giant turd named Peter is my giant turd. And I created him. And he’s going to splash in the water of this amazing world.
“Hi I’m Peter! I’m Patrick’s splashing Baby Turd! Yeahhhh! I love that I’m alive! Animal Fart!” a quote from Peter my turd baby.
It’s not about putting my demons to bed so I can create again. It’s about taking a shit on my demons. It’s about letting Peter jump on top of my demons and having a shit fest as he whoops their ass till they drown in their own tears. Peter is kinda tough, he is literally the shit.
And the reason I haven’t blogged in about a week is because this week I’ve been shooting the first of my 12 short films. And it’s been everything I’ve wanted it to be because I’m actually doing it.
Many of you have asked. Who the hell are you on this 1 year journey with?
With some amazing people. That’s who. Each week I’m going to do a quick little interview with a couple of them so you can meet them. Believe me you don’t want to meet all 75 of them at the same time, your head will explode and getting brain splatter out of your keyboard is a bitch. I’ll still have some brain splatter in my keyboard this week from trying to take so many new people in. Let’s start with 3 this week.
Before the 3 video interviews meeting new remotes. Here’s an overview of all of them.
AKA “The Puppy King.” 29 years old. From Austria. Works in HR.
Respect “The Puppy King.”
40 years old. From Atlanta. Works as a CPA. And my roommate in Cordoba.
38 years old. From Los Angeles. Works as a Graphic Designer. Also he’s a pony Rider.
If trouble arises don’t despair. Matt and Pat the Pony Riders will be there.
This Saturday, 75 people gathered to hear how we are going to live our lives together for a year. We saw a video from Remote Year 1 advising us on Remote Year 3. One bit of advice really stuck with me. I absolutely loved it and it sums up what I want my experience on this journey.
“If you don’t like hiking. Go Hiking. If you don’t like dancing. Go dancing.”
Basically push your personal boundaries and grow. Sounds cheesy when I write it. But call me Mr. Mozzarella then because this boy is doing the string cheese dance this year.
Travis one of our leaders on Remote Year, basically our adult camp counselor, wrote a song and put all 75 people’s names in it. And it was rad. “It’s the beginning of Remote year as we know it.”
VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER
After Orientation we took a van 45 minutes out of town to a river.
We drank. We swam. We talked. We bonded.
Fernet and Coca-Cola with Ice is a very popular drink in Cordoba, Argentina. Not everyone likes it. It’s interesting to say the least. I like it especially when I’m enjoying my third one.
Here’s all 75 of us in a picture. (word on the street is that there is only 72)
DINNER BY THE LAKE
Then we went to a dinner by a lake and it was a gorgeous view. It even made me look like an angel, I now plan to star in toilet paper commercials leaving millions of baby soft babies out of work. It’s a harsh world babies, it’s harsh.
A fellow remote is a DJ and made everyone tear it up on the dance floor. Mr. Mozzarella did that string cheese dance and even the lactose intolerant people loved it.
We smuggled wine back on the van home. On the way back I might have been drunk. And I might have mooned other vans. Someone else might have mooned other vans too. And sadly we found out it was to dark and our moons went in vain.
I’ll end with a cheesy quote from Mr. Mozzarella.
“I’m blessed. I’m grateful. And this year I’m going to push myself out of my comfort zone. So I can do the string cheese dance all year long. ”
Actually that’s not really a quote but who’s really reading this blog anyways. Animal Fart.
Hello Family, Friends and random people who’ve stumbled on this blog because search engines brought you here because some key word like Animal Fart directed you.
I’m Pootee, Patrick, Pat or however you know me.
I’m traveling the world for a year and bunch of friends and fam have asked me to create a blog or video blog of my adventures so they can follow along. So here it is.
WHAT IS REMOTE YEAR?
I’m traveling the world with a program called Remote year.
Traveling to a different country/city every month for a year with a community of 75 people.
Each person has a different professional job that they can work remotely in.
Remote Year takes care of our place to stay, travel and a 24 hour business center that has great wifi. Here’s a link if you want to know more. http://www.remoteyear.com
WHERE I’M GOING?
Every month I go to a different country/city. Total of 11 countries and 12 cities in a year.
3 legs of the Trip: South America, Europe and Asia. I’ve never been to Asia so I’m super stoked to go.
March: Cordoba, Argentina
April: Buenos Aires, Argentina
May: La Paz, Bolivia
June: Cusco, Peru
July: Istanbul, Turkey
August: Prague, Czechoslovakia
September: Belgrade, Serbia
October: Cavtat, Croatia
November: Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
December: Chang Mai, Thailand
January: Phnom Penh, Cambodia
February: Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam
Friends and Family. Come visit me in one of these places. Let’s have an adventure.
People I don’t know that randomly came to this blog don’t come visit me unless you can prove that we’ve known each other in a former life where I was a Parakeet named Charlene and you were my owner John. And you always treated me good by feeding me crackers with low sodium.
(This is a picture of me in another life as Charlene the Parakeet)
REMOTE YEAR COMMUNITY
The community aspect of Remote Year really is what made me want to this. I’ve always loved traveling and I’ve always done trips. However the idea of doing this with 75 people is what really drew me to this. They said it’s 50% male and Female, ages ranging from 23 to 41, 60% Americans and 40% International that speak good english, and there’s two couples. All the jobs that people have are going to be a variety of different things. So it’s obvious that all these people are going to be interesting. It’s going to be amazing meeting and learning from all these people in the community.
WHY AM I DOING IT?
That is a stupid question. Because it’s awesome. At this point in my life. I’m single. No Kids. This is the time to do it. And it’s going to be great to get perspective. As many friends keep saying, “You are going to come back as a completely different person.” I think what they mean is that I’m going to come back with a body chiseled like Brad Pitt and adopt 3 baby seals named Arthur, Jezebel and Ramon. And we will have created a dance studio called, “Feel the Seal.” No one has done this yet so please don’t steal it.
“FEEL THE SEAL”