One of the Europeans, Jacek, that I’m traveling with is from Vienna, Austria. While we were in Prague he offered to share his city through his eyes for a weekend. So just like “Being John Malkovich” I crawled into his body for the weekend. I know what you are thinking, this is really creepy. Actually it’s not, it’s awesome because he’s really fit and I’m picking up way more woman being in his body than my own. I’ve decided to not give him his body back. Sorry Jacek. Also sorry to Jacek’s sister, who graciously let us stay in her apartment where we made it smell like dirty men.
CROSS WALKS: The cross walk’s are rad here. They show a little love as you cross the street. Not all the stop lights show this love but 49 of them in the city do which is pretty sweet. The crosswalks show same sex couples and opposite sex couples with a little heart above them. They were installed years ago for the Eurovision Song Contest and “Life Ball” a charity event to raise money for HIV and Aids.
HITLER’S BALCONY: One of the things that really stood out is the balcony at Hofburg palace, which is the Balcony that Hitler gave one of his biggest speeches. Hitler was born in Austria and was a failed painter before moving to Germany. Jacek played the audio of the famous speech as we stood in front of it. It was a creepy and odd feeling to be around such a dark part of history.
Here’s some video footage of his speech from this balcony.
FOOD AND DRINK: Austria is known for their Schnitzel which is meat pounded thin then breaded and fried. It’s fried so of course it’s delicious. I enjoyed a lot of their lagers too especially Ottakringer and tried their local soda called Almdudler which is a little fruity ginger ale.
KaseKrainer is a sausage with cheese in it. It brought me back to my youth of eating hotdogs with cheese in them which I absolutely loved. But these were a thousands times better and apparently a staple of late night drunk eating in Vienna. Also the Buns are a hollowed out roll that they put condiments and your sausage in which makes it a lot less messy to eat. And it makes it feel like your sausage is a little baby safely swaddled until you eat your baby and you become a disgraced baby eater.
Sacher Cake is a chocolate and marmalade cake made famous from the Hotel Sacher. Another Austrian desert is the KaiserSchmarren (Emperor’s Mess) which is a shredded sweet pancake with berries and powdered sugar on it. Austria’s version of Coffee is Melange which is, a lot like a cappucino, one espresso shot in a coffee cup topped with milk steamed and foamed.
VOLKSGARTAN BOOTY SHAKING CLUB: Volksgartan was a club to shake my money maker. Apparently we were around a time where you dress in lederhosen. And the girls had traditional Dirndl dresses on that looked like german beer maids and ladies from the sound of music. Which made me do music sounds in my pants as I watched a combo of electronic music and girls dancing in Dirndl’s, hot, hot, hot. Like call the Fire Department that puts out the fires at the fire department hot. I thought this was just an Octoberfest thing in Germany but apparently not. Apparently I didn’t get creepy and take pics of the girls in their Dirndl’s so I added a pic from google of what they were wearing below.
Electronic music usually isn’t my thing. But there’s a certain point where you just let loose anyways and shake what your momma gave you. And she gave me a booty shaker as this video below makes me look way cooler than I actually am.
CITY TOUR: Jacek gave us a walking tour of his beautiful city with a digital tour with a portable speaker. I have never tried a digital tour but it was great and nice avoiding the painstaking walking tours. We saw a variety of sites from Saint Petersburg Church that has a claustrophobic stairways to get a view from the top, Opera house, National Library (Hitler’s Balcony), Palace and more.
STREET ART: The street art was nice here and I captured a couple pics walking alongside the river under the bridge.
CARNIVAL: We walked through a carnival and I got to see a bunch of rides. One ride awoke the 12 year old boy inside me, the ride is called the Auto Fhart. “Fhart” means ride or trip. I feel like I ruined the picture below by explaining logic of “Fhart,” please erase the last sentence from your mind and enjoy your ignorant Fhart bliss. Also I love the bear on this picture, he looks like he’s running through the meadow fahrting everywhere and wants to bear hug you and not let you go so you have to smell his bear Fharts. He’s a class act.
The Carnival also had a “Wiener Pony Carousel” that had real ponies walking around. So somewhere in Austria their is a sad jobless creepy plastic carousel pony crying ceramic tears.
OVERALL: Vienna is a beautiful and extremely organized city. And it’s always more beautiful through the eyes of a friend. Even if you have to crawl into their body to see it.