Byedios Cusco, Peru

Byedios Cusco, Peru. You little baby lamb that I thought was a baby llama. Stop teasing me with all your charm like cobblestone streets and quaint little shops. I’ll miss you. Cusco is a tourist city with the majority of everything catered to tourism since it’s the feeder city to Machu Picchu. Which can be great and annoying at the same time.

LLAMA DAMMA DING DONG:  If there is a place where llamas come to be in heaven it’s Cusco. They roam the streets in herds with sheep as their minions.

They have Cholitas trying to get you to take a picture with llamas, alpacas and baby sheep that you think are baby llamas till you post to social media and get called out. Then you cry and swear baby sheep names!!! Damn you Snuggle Button! Damn you for fooling me. Below is the pic of the baby sheep that fooled me, I guess I just wanted to believe he was a llama.

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This is Poncho. He’s super famous. He’s not a llama either. He’s an Alpaca. Hard to tell the difference. You can get educated and figure it out or you can just say it’s close enough and enjoy the moment. Ignorance is bliss in llama education.

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GUINEA PIG: A cute pet in the States. Is a delicious entrée in Peru. They eat Guinea pig which they call Cuy. Which means I ate guinea pig. They make you name it a pet name before you eat it, I named my guinea pig Mister Pepper Pants. And it was very underwhelming. It had barely meat on it. Just blah, kinda tastes like chicken. I took pics so I look cool and I could gross you out enjoy, he looks like a dinosaur.

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MY 4th SHORT FILM “THE LLAMA LOVER”: This is going to be the most ridiculous movie I’ve created so far and I can’t wait to edit it. Inspired by a fellow Remote, Casey, who does never ending selfies with llamas everyday while in Peru.Here’s a pic of my 3 stars including Poncho the beautiful Llama Poncho (which is really an Alpaca, don’t tell anyone)

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MACHU PICCHU: The gem of Cusco is the feeder city to Machu Picchu, what a beautiful place. It’s a must see in South America. I was supposed to do a 4 day Inca Trail Hike. But my cough I inherited from Bolivia didn’t want to leave me. Making hiking 4 days a determent to my health. So I opted out of the hike and took the train up to Machu Picchu to meet up with the hikers in my group. Machu Picchu is gorgeous. It’s that one friend that you take pictures with that makes you look like a piping hot pile of diarrhea next to it. Damn it’s gorgeous. Why they built a civilization in the middle of no where is beyond me. I’m just glad they did. I’ll try to do a post for it on it’s own because there’s to much to share.

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SAN PEDRO MARKET: I loved this market. I will dare say this is my favorite Street Market I have been to in the world. Its not to big and not to small. And I ate here a lot and never got sick. Yeah, they had tourist crap everywhere with llamas sewn into anything that you could put on your body or near it but I came here to be fed like a local for only 6 soles which is $2 US.

Super Cheap $2 meals. Chicken Soup, Ceviche, Plates of Rice with chicken or sausage and avacodo. The rice plates were served by a lady that I’d like to call Boss Lady. Because her food tasted boss and she cooked like a boss.

Juice stalls that made you fresh juice. They all would yell at you to come to their stall but there is no way to differentiate who’s better. The girl serving me juice looks so pissed off.

Also there’s Pigs with sunglasses and slutty pigs that have their asses hanging out.

FOOD: If you know me then you know that I sing when I’m eating good food. More like humming. I hummed the shit out of Peru. The food was amazing here. Best in South America in my opinion. My post in Lima, Peru highlighted the mouth watering Ceviche and Peru’s tasty beverages of Pisco Sours, Chilicanos and Cusqueno Beer. And above I’ve already touched on Guinea Pig (Cuy).

Let’s talk about the Corn here. Which means gigantour popcorn. Corn here is gigantic. I had no clue this was even popcorn till someone told me. And then I ate it. It’s a weirder texture and not bad. I wouldn’t say I crave it but it’s worth trying for yourself for sure. There scarecrows must be the size of elephants here.

Alpaca steak is available in most restaurants here and is a tasty cut of meat. Doesn’t really have a strong difference from other cuts of meat.

The food here is just great. I’m just going to list the rest of em quick or I’ll have to do a whole blog just on the food. Street Churros filled with Dulce de leche. Weird Pop Tart things that are just ok tasting. Lomo Saltado which is pieces of steak on fries. Inca Kola which is Peru’s soda that tastes like Bubble Gum and is as bright as the Sun God’s heart. Yellow Sauce that is on potatoes and chicken that is to die for. And the soups, mmmmm they are divine from simple chicken noodle soup which they call diet soup or Creole soup that has a bit of a kick of flavor for those cold nights in Cusco.

PLAZA DE ARMAS: This is the main spot where everything congregated in Cusco. We got to see the Sun God Festival, people dancing in the streets, parade floats and fireworks everyday at every hour.

And this was the place that had the dance clubs a lot of them. The thing about Cusco is that it’s a tourist town so every night is Saturday Dance night and that’s a bad thing. Because a couple beers turns into a dance party till 4am a lot of times. I’m supposed to be a retired dancer but a couples cusquenos and chilicanos bring me out of it.

RAINBOW MOUNTAIN: The Place I didn’t go but wish I did. A gorgeous mountain that a bunch of my friends hiked. A day trip experience that is exhausting. Everyone who went cried about how hard it was. So be ready. Also be ready to see a beautiful mountain that looks like a rainbow. Here’s a pic of my friends showing some rainbow mountain pride.

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OVERALL: Peru’s food is bomb. Go to Machu Pichu it’s a better looking than you, even you if you are Channing Tatum. Eat it Channing. And even eat a Guinea Pig even though you don’t want to and then after you eat it you’ll be like shit it’s not that good. But you have to do it. Peru, love it with a nice tall glass of ice cold Cusqueno Beer.

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