Buenos Aires: Crib

Welcome to a tour of my Buenos Aires apartment. This apartment is a lot fancier/modern than my apartment in Cordoba. I was also told to not get used to something as nice as this because most won’t be like this. Here’s a video tour of my fancy apartment for my second month.

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The Adventures of Bob and Mary.

I’d like to introduce you to two special friends of mine. They are Bob and Mary. A Goat and a Llama that are traveling with me and are going to be in pictures along the way. Bob and Mary are a couple so please don’t hit on any of them to lead them astray from their loved one. Mary is an uptight Llama and Bob is a curmudgeon of a Goat. Both are lovely.

BOB AND MARY DO CORDOBA.

NEw grapes in back

Mary: Hi, I’m Mary. I’m a Llama and I love Bob.

Bob: Hi, I’m Bob. And I’m a goat and I love Mary more when I’m drinking wine.

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Mary: Oh Bob, I wish we got married in a church like this. It’s so beautiful.

Bob: Yeah, its a lot nicer than my mothers garage.

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Bob: Dear God, if I created a clone of Mary and I hooked up with the clone would it be considered cheating or not?

Mary: Dear God, can you help Bob be taller than me. Not being able to wear heels sucks.

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Mary: These are all the people that got kidnapped when Argentina had a bad dictatorship. It’s super sad.

Bob: Screw Dictatorships, they are a just a bunch of dicks.

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Mary: Trees got sweaters here?

Bob: Oh my this must be so embarrassing for the trees. I see the shame in dogs eyes when they wear those stupid sweaters. These must be the trees that suck at giving shade so they are shamed with sweaters.

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Mary: Oh my look at that underwear model ad, but there’s only one guy in his underwear, I guess they are sexist here too.

Bob: Ohh, I never even saw those girls in underwear, I was looking at the panda bear. Thanks for pointing out such a sexist ad that I never saw…till you pointed it out.

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Bob: Why are the trash can’s never on the ground here.

Mary: Bob, I don’t know. Do you think i’m a damn Trash Can specialist.

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Mary: This is a famous Argentina singer.

Bob: He looks like Hulk Hogan but not like him, if that makes any sense.

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Bob: Why is it always statues of horses? Why not a goat or a panda bear wearing women’s underwear sometime?

Mary: Because horses are majestic stalions. I dated a horse in college. His name was Roger. And he used to do nude modeling for extra cash at colleges.

 

Wild Beasts of Men.

I have started a workout group called “Wild Beasts of Men.” I have collected the wildest beasts of Men that I could find and we are going to find the stupidest workouts in Buenos Aires, Argentina on our workout pass (Clickypass) like Twerking class, pole dancing class, Zumba etc. And we are going to go and dominate as we try to understand Spanish workout instructions! Lets see if there are any differences in working out in Argentina!

We bought headbands because we are rad. Now we are an awesome posse of sweating kings. Now we need to buy short shorts, some bright long socks and some shirt that makes your momma scream. But we need a logo for our shirts of “Wild Beasts of Men.” Damnnnn we need to design a logo or something to put on a shirt! So Argentina knows who they are dealing with, the Wildest, the beastest of men!!!

We started our workout crew out with Zumba. And we thought we were bringing the jokes. But no. The joke was on us. Zumba is no joke! It was an intense one hour workout. My headband was still sweaty the next day. I absolutely loved it. I don’t think the hot ass Argentina girls behind me loved it as much as I did but oh well. The instructor was intense and hot as hell as she had dance moves for days.

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I wanted to do at least 2 workouts a week but my wild beasts of men pushed me for more. And the next day I was doing something called functional workout, it had elements of cross fit. And it was not fun and it was not stupid. This shit was serious and it was great that I was sweating so much that you couldn’t tell that I was fucking crying like a lil bitch! Wow, I was made to be a little Sally Struthers. Anhton and Tom, my friends in Remote Year,  dominated me in this and I’ve given up my throne as the king of the wild beasts as I’m more the bitch of the wild beasts after that workout.  Our instructor was one of the owners of the gym, Pablo and his wife. He was very disappointed in my ass sucking workout. And called me Jack Black the whole time where I proceeded to pretend to play a sad song on my fake guitar.

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Get Wild! Get Beastly! With the Wild Beasts of Men!

 

Adios Cordoba…

I’m really sad to leave Cordoba, Argentina. It became home for me after a month. The people were so warm and welcoming. It was a great city to get adjusted for the first month of this crazy adventure with Remote year. Here’s a quick recap of what I took from the first month here  with a lot of pics. I know I need to post more pics of my adventures so this post will be a month overload so get ready.

STREET DOGS. Dogs are all over the place. Initially I’d be kinda nervous of them like they’d come up and eat me and drag me to their street dog den and eat my heart out. But they are far from aggressive and are always happy and warm. They’ll just follow you around everywhere like a buddy. It’s seriously adorable and that word probably hasn’t been used for street dogs before but it should be in Cordoba. Here’s a pic of one even playing soccer with us. The one with gum on his side is nicknamed “Gum” and he’s awesome.

SPANISH CLASS. I took a Spanish Class once a week to improve my Spanish. What I learned was that I still suck at learning languages and I’m just going to get by. I feel like a penguin that thinks he can fly. It just ain’t happening. Lo Siento.

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FOOD AND DRINK. I ate a shitload of empanadas and drank to much red wine and Fernet Branca n Coke. Yes, you read correctly Fernet and Coke. It’s a thing here, it’s weird and now I really like it. I also took a cooking class and demonstration.  I’ll do a blog post about food in Argentina soon. I know a lot of my foodie friends have asked to see food porn. It’s coming.

NUNCA MAS. This month was the 40th anniversary of the start of the dictatorship in Argentina where people the government kidnapped anyone speaking against it. On this anniversary the streets were filled with thousands of people and a concert. This was a very sad time here and when you hear the stories it’s horrible. Their Logo is a white handkerchief which is what mothers wore to symbolize their lost children to the dictatorship. The pics are of the concert they had in the streets that were packed with people marching and singing. The pics of the people’s heads below are of the people that were missing and some were never seen again to remember Los Desaparecidos.

HIKING LIKE A CONDOR. KAAA KAAA! Hiked Condor National Park. I usually find hiking boring but I really had a good time doing this. And If I don’t like hiking, then I need to go hiking. Which I’m going to try and do more of.

KID CLOWN SHOW. Strangest Kid Show I have ever seen with creepy clowns. Payanos is clowns in Spanish, I think. I’m not looking it up if it’s spelled right in Spanish. So don’t quote me on it because you will feel as stupid as I do when I try to speak Spanish. Payano  is also what my Spanish teacher called me.

 

TANGO LESSONS AND SHOW. I took Tango lessons and learned some steps and for 3 seconds I thought “Hey I’m not that bad. Ricky Martin is going to feed himself to a Shark and I’m going to be the spokesperson for Tang drink while I tango.” 3 seconds past and I realized reality. By the way I have no clue if Ricky Martin does Tango, again never quote me you will more likely be made a fool or a payano. So instead of another Tango Lesson I checked out a Tango show for our Remote Year farewell party and they were wow wow wow amazing! It’s like super hot and sexy seeing Tango girls dance. My eyes bulged out of my sockets like they wanted to get up there and dance with that chica. It was mucho impressivo.

FASHION. These ladies love Platform shoes. Why? I don’t know but they think they are sexy in them. I feel like I’ve been teleported to the 90s. However I think these ladies would be sexy in any shoes they wore even if they wrapped their feet in potato chips. I don’t have a foot fetish either by the way. So stop spreading rumors about how I want to put ranch dressing on feet, it’s not true. I’m just trying to say that Argentina girls are hot, like burn a hole in my underwear hot, like burn a house made of dry ice hot, I mean the devil himself in Hell would want air conditioning hot. Mucho Caliente. One other fashion trend here is english phrases on their shirts and it could be anything to “I’m a pretty mother fucker.” to “Rainbows are pretty too.” to “Animal Farts.” The more random the better apparently. Here’s a pic of some platform shoes in a shop because I didn’t want to be the creepy guy trying to take pictures of girls feet because people may think I have a foot fetish, which is definitely not true!

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KIDS BEGGING. Kids and people begging. It’s sad and a part of life here. Every time I’m at dinner, lunch or just for coffee a child or adult comes up and leaves something on the table. Sometimes it’s a pack of tissues, a shirt, some other random things or a note saying please help me and my family. They then come back a minute later and try to get you to give them money. It’s heartbreaking to watch when it’s a small child which is probably why they send the little kids out to do it. It makes me sad even writing it.

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FIRST SHORT FILM. Shot and finished my first short film “The Moister.” The link and more details is on one of my latest blogs if you want to check it out.

MENDOZA WINE COUNTRY. Went to Mendoza Wine Country. Again did a whole blog post on it so I won’t repeat myself on my love for fermented grapes.

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STREET PERFORMERS. On every street light there is someone performing circus acts for extra cash. Juggling, breathing fire, juggling knives etc. The pic below was a clown who juggled two balls that I’d see all the time near my house. He was the most angry 2 ball juggling clown I’ve eve seen. But he mesmerized me in someway.

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GRADUATION SHAMING. Cordoba is a college town so a lot of people going to school and graduating. When they graduate their friends completely make a fool out of them. They dress them up like an idiot and throw paint and powder on them. This is very normal here for graduating. I saw a lot of people trudging the street covered in paint with hordes of friends following them as they hooted and hollered.

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STATUES AND MUSEUMS. Statues and Museums and crap like that. Not super interesting but Statues and churches are everywhere here. There was a gorgeous Church right next to my house that I loved waking up and seeing as I walked the streets. A lot of times I’d wake up and look at that church as I walked by and have such a sense of gratefulness. This happened like half the days I was there which is a lot of gratefulness feelings. I wish I could bottle up that feeling and put it into smoothies because I’d make killing. People would really dig life sipping smoothies, I’d make a lot of cool flavors so everyone could enjoy too. The pic of the church below was the one by my house.

LOCATION CHANGE. Also change in Plans of the cities we are visiting. We are going to London not Turkey anymore because of Danger shit. Which makes a lot of moms happy. Also we are going to Split Croatia instead of Crotat because of logistic shit.

ADIOS CORDOBA…I already miss you.

….Hello Buenos Aires.

First of 12 Short Films: “The Moister.”

 

My first short film this year is called “The Moister.” It’s about a Mermaid that wants to travel the world (Cordoba, Argentina). This film cost 80 pesos to make, about 5 US dollars, hells yeah. Hats off to my amazing Australian friends Tom and Tanya for being amazing actors. I’ll post a behind the scenes and all the fun to make it later on. 1 film down, 11 more to go this year.

 

Graffiti Talks to Me

I really dig graffiti and I love to check out the different styles in other countries. So I’m going to post a collection of graffiti I find in each place I visit. Cordoba didn’t have a whole lot but I found some. I’m sure Buenos Aires will have a lot more.

Also I have a serious problem of making inanimate things talk. So I’m going to make some graffiti I find talk with a video series called “Graffiti talks to me.” So I’ll pick a piece I dig and put some voices and a stupid story to it.

So here’s the first of “Graffiti Talks to Me” called Baby Spaceman in Cordoba, Argentina. I pass this Graffiti every time I walk to the co-working space. However I never noticed that there was a little Space Man on the girls hair till a friend pointed it out to me.

Some other Graffiti I found in Cordoba. Unfortunately there weren’t a whole lot but I’ve been told Buenos Aires has a lot so I’m looking forward to that.

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I walked by this piece a lot and never even noticed this one till someone pointed it out. Simple piece drawing a smile and using the windows as eyes

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But the Best was the Baby Spaceman and Concrete Vampire.

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Looking forward to seeing what Buenos Aires has especially since I signed up for a Graffiti walking tour.