Mendoza and a Bottle of Friends.

This weekend I went to Mendoza wine country in Argentina. It’s known as one of the best wine countries in the world.

However, I really have no clue about wine. My only real confident knowledge is knowing the difference from Red and White. Beyond that I’m not into white so I don’t know anything about it except it goes with fish and upper middle class girls who bath in it at brunch while laughing really loud as they leave lipstick marks all over their glasses.

Side note I’ve always found lipstick marks on glasses kinda sexy. I really don’t know why but it’s hot to me. So any girl that wants to come over to my non existent apartment with red lipstick and go to town on my wine glasses is always welcome.

As for Red. I can slightly tell the difference from a Pinot to a Cabernet. But Cabernet to a Merlot to a Malbec…then I’m clueless. I can tell the difference from a crappy wine to descent wine. Or the difference from descent wine to the wine ordered on an expense account. But honestly it doesn’t matter. I’m 37 years old and if I haven’t acquired a pallet that truly appreciates wine it’s probably not going to happen. And it takes effort to pretend that I taste blackberries or the leather or some other nut or oak that is protruding from the barrel. Sometimes I want to care. But I just don’t.

Wine for me is good company. A dinner table of friends joining together for conversation that I’ll remember forever. Wine is the bottle between me and a girl that I can’t stop staring at as I eat dinner and all I want to do is grab her face across the table and kiss her.

The only thing I can taste is the stupid conversations about Otters buttholes or the complexity of a buddy splurging his insecurities of a girl he’s talking to. Or the robust laughter every time I hear an embarrassing story that we never let a buddy live down.

So I appreciated Mendoza for what it is. Grapes that turn into memories. From the memories with my old friends to the memories with my new ones. Fuck that’s cheesy, Mr. Mozzarelaa strikes again!

***And if you’d like to see pictures and the quick tour of what my weekend at Mendoza was please scroll down. It starts with a luxury bus because luxury and busses just go together. Duh.***

So this is a First Class sleeper Bus. The seat reclines down so you can sleep or try to sleep as you go through twist and turns through the night. We left at 1030pm and arrived at 7am.

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I asked for the bano/bathroom on the bus. After I exited the bano and was at my seat the Bus attendant approached me and said in broken English, “Only liquids in the bathroom.” I just stared at her and was like fuck what if we have to poop what are we supposed to do, not that I cared anymore because I just unloaded the death star on the bus and was getting called out for it. And she’s like “Do you understand only liquids?” I shook my head yes like a scolded boy in gym class.

First stop on our wine Tasting tour at 10am. Yes I said 10am the perfect time to consume and appreciate alcohol. We went to Bodega Benegas one of the oldest wineries in Mendoza. Learned how to put wine in my mouth and suck in to sound like a bird which lets you properly taste the wine. Do you taste the leather? Someone chimed in, “Hmmm yes, tastes like the inside of a BMW.” The bottle pictured is the one that everyone liked the most, the Cabernet Franc.

The second winery was one of the newest wineries in Mendoza, I forgot the name. It was amazing trying real grapes from the vine.

Last winery  was a classic winery and I think the best. It also included lunch and never ending tasting. After lunch we all passed out sipping espressos on the lawn till they put us to work picking fresh grapes off the vine, which I just ate instead. Damn the fresh grapes tasted amazing.


That Night we went to a restaurant called MallMan which is part of Francis MallMan’s restaurants. He’s featured on Chef’s table on Netflix, not this specific restaurant but the chef is. The Food was fantastic. Enjoy some food porn.

Some amazing starters that we shared family style: Organic pear cooked in salt with Burrata cheese, mixed greens and bacon chips. This dish was absolutely amazing. “Humita” Fresh grinded corn cream with grilled prawns and basil oil. This is an Argentina dish that is much like an unpacked Tamale. It was absolutely amazing and it surprised me how much I loved it. The final starter was a grilled Spanish Octopus with crispy potatoes and aioli. This wasn’t bad but I wouldn’t praise it like the others.

Had an amazing Malbec with our Main Courses that we shared family style. Rib Eye Steak that was cooked absolutely perfectly. A braised baby goat made in a clay oven. I actually was like whatever on this dish and then felt bad for baby goats. Then a dish I didn’t have but I had to take a pic because it was a masterful piece of genius, The Giant Tomahawk steak with chimichurri that was the size of 3 people’s head.

Next morning after waking up from a food coma I took a walking tour of Mendoza. Learned about the kidnapping of woman and children and mothers looking for their kids. Apparently the dictatorships were really bad back in the day in Argentina. This symbol of a handkerchief on the head of mother is a symbol for a non profit that is searching for these lost children.

Super sad stuff. They supposedly found a child (now a 35 year old) only a year ago. Apparently they’d take mothers who were pregnant and after they gave birth they’d kill the mother and give the baby to another family. And this family knew and never told their adopted child. And then that child finds out 30 years later from a DNA test. Devastating and heart crushing story. If you were against the dictatorship and spoke against it you were targeted and kidnapped.

Then we ended our day at a spa for $19 for the day. So we lounged like kings and splashed in a hot tub like we were 15. Great weekend.





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